You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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