One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
