I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
