Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
