i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
