Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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