I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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