Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
