You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
