I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
