we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
