I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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