dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
