One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
they need to just BURY HIM!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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