a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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