I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
