Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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