god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm both gender and math confused
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
