I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He shit in the fireplace
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