a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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