So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
