4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
