You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
