Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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