Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
