i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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