On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
