Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
