we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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