I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
