How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
false alarm. still invincible.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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