You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
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