Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
