my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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