We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
i've created a new STD.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
