Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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