hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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