Cold hands, warm shart.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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