Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
