when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
