By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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