And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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