What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
