I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
