I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
