do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
