i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
