i already hear my dad disowning me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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