You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
