I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
