It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
