dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
